How to Help Someone Who Is Grieving: 5 Gentle Ways to Show Up

1. Offer Your Presence, Not Perfect Words

This is the most important thing that you can do. Just being there means a lot! I know everyone is busy these days and have responsibilities that must be attended to, and if you could work some time in to do just a drop-by for 10-15 minutes it is enough to give your person a break from missing their loved one. You don’t need to fix anything or say the “right” thing — just be there. Listen, sit with them, check in, talk about what is going on in your day or in the world. Simple presence often brings more comfort than any advice ever could.

2. Acknowledge Their Loss with Honesty and Heart

This is the second most important thing to do...talk about the person. So often I heard that someone didn't want to mention Alan because they thought that would make me feel sad. In fact, it was just the opposite! I loved hearing their stories, the things they remembered about him, the funny things he did, or how he made them feel when he did a kindness for them. It made me happy to hear these things and to know he was remembered by others - it helped to make it feel like he was continuing to live on, not forgotten.

Say "I’m so sorry,” or “Your loved one mattered”, or "This sucks!" (that was one that I could really identify with). Real acknowledgment feels supportive, while clichés often fall flat. Let them know their grief is seen and felt by you too.

3. Give Practical, Specific Help

Instead of “Let me know if you need anything,” offer something concrete:

• “Can I bring dinner Thursday?” Most likely, they will say they are fine and not want to put you out, so just to tell them you are coming over. If they have a enough meals or are busy, they will let you know. Better yet, invite them to your home for dinner or go out to a restaurant together. It's the sociability that is the life-line that they need. 

• “I’m going to the store — what can I pick up for you?” or "Would you like to come to the store with me?"

• “Would you like company for a walk?”

Grief makes decisions hard, so sometime it's better to not ask questions but offer a specific gesture; specific kindness makes life easier.

4. Hold Space for All Their Feelings

Grief isn’t linear. Some days bring tears, others bring laughter, numbness, or anger. Don’t judge or rush their process. Grief is very much like fear, especially if it is a spouse that has past away. They were part of a team, half of a whole, and now suddenly it's as if a part of them has been cut off. Allow them to feel what they feel, and follow their lead gently.

Give them grace. There IS such a thing as grief-brain. They are in shock and won't remember things, or know how to do things that were simple to them before, they will do things and then forget that they did it. Panic attacks can happen. Let them know they can reach out to you at any time if they get afraid and aren't sure of what to do.

For me this has lasted for the two years since Alan passed. I'm still just working out of it now and I feel like I'm just coming back to being myself. Again, just being a phone call away can be such a comfort to someone trying to rebuild their persona and life after losing a spouse.

5. Stay Connected Over Time

Support often fades long before grief does. Keep checking in — especially on birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, or hard milestone days. A simple “Thinking of you today” text, phone call, or card can lighten a heavy heart.

It takes years to get back on an even keel, even then something can trigger a wave of emotion that can knock you back. With time, it is less often and they will get themselves right again and more quickly.

It is a journey that no one can prepare for, like having children, there is no instruction manual to help guide you. Everyone is different in how they handle grief. This is what I have found in my journey. I hope these tips help you to help the person you care for to walk their path into brighter days.

If someone you love is grieving, you’re not alone in wanting to help. That is why I created Griefwrapped, I created comforting gifts and gentle resources designed to support hurting hearts—one small step at a time.

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